To the couple practically fornicating at the table next to me...
please. just stop. nobody wants to see you nibble her ear.
I worked as a lifeguard for four years.
trust me, I've seen some horrific things.
you aren't going to shoo me away with your excessive PDA,
or even nauseate me.
(though I can't say the same for the other poor bystanders trying to nourish themselves)
so let me eat my cobb salad in peace.