meanwhile, in the food court.

To the couple practically fornicating at the table next to me...

please. just stop. nobody wants to see you nibble her ear.

I worked as a lifeguard for four years. 

trust me, I've seen some horrific things.

you aren't going to shoo me away with your excessive PDA, 

or even nauseate me.

(though I can't say the same for the other poor bystanders trying to nourish themselves)

so let me eat my cobb salad in peace.

ok thanks.